As a middle child, I wanted nothing but the acceptance and approval of my older sister and my parents. I became obsessed with the idea of I being perfect in their eyes and then in everyone's eyes. Unfortunately I had the wrong impression of perfect and lead me to suffer years of eating disorders. To begin, I've always felt rather oddlike
I wasn't for my family. I was always the one that was too sensitive who felt too many emotions and maybe that's where …show more content…
Harmlessly, my mom called me chunky and although it never meant to go as far as pushing me to eating disorders, it started then. Whenever I got into fights with my siblings they began to call me fat and made me feel like I was terrible for being fat. I began to think because I was fat; no one wanted to even be near melike everything that went wrong in my life was because of my weight. All I ever wanted was to feel accepted and like a normal person. My older sibling being the type that wanted to hurt people she can feel superior and my younger siblings being her followers ruined me. I remember her very first time calling me fat and how much it stung. I kept trying to let go of my siblings mocking me but the truth was inevitable. The truth to me at the time was that I was socially disgusting and unacceptable. Every female I saw at the time that was considered beautiful had the flat stomach the long skinny legs and the slim face, all physical factors I didn't carry.
As the years passed I started to have an idea of that the only way to be happy was to be skinny.
My family at home all had contribution in constantly making me feel disgusting. I grew to …show more content…
I felt like I only got fatter and fatter and as I began to get extremely frustrated and anxious I started to selfharm. I got addicted to inflicting pain among myself because I felt like I deserved to be punished. I thought I was worthless and had nothing to lose so I resorted to eating disorders. I felt like I could finally be saved from myself and be happy.
It took my family months before they could realize what was wrong with me. I had lost significantly tons of weight and just looked like I had no life left in me. I had completely changed from going to someone who enjoyed the simplest of things to feeling like it didn't matter if I was dead or alive.
When I finally did get help I realized that it wasn't going to easy to get away from my problem but I knew I would just need to take it day by day. As days went I learned that in order to be happy in its most absolute state was to be selfreliant and never try and be someone's expectations. Going through this experience taught me to be a stronger person who can overcome anything in her path. As long as I could take things one thing at a time, I am invincible and can do anything I