What Is Your Parenting Style?
Every parent will naturally have a "dominant" parenting style that they are most comfortable with.
They will use it instinctively, especially under stress. Learn to understand your dominant style, and your partner's dominant style. Then you can more easily talk about the differences (and possible conflicts) you experience in each other's parenting styles.
Common parenting styles tend to fall into four groups. They each have their own advantages and disadvantages. Most parents use a combination of styles, with one of these five as the dominant one.
What is your dominant parenting style? Is your style a combination or 2 or more?
Step 1:
Answer the following questions in each table honestly and sincerely. Circle the number below your answer. Add up your total from each table separately.
A
When disciplining the children, my philosophy is “I am the parent, so there is no room for discussion.”
I find myself feeling like I always want everything under control.
When disciplining the children, I often use punishment or threats.
Having obedient children is very important to me.
I often say to the children “what I say goes!”
never
0
never
0
never
0
never
0
never
0
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
often
3
often
3
often
3
often
3
often
3
Total from above=
B
I set rules or limits for the children
I allow my 11-15 year old to monitor their own behavior I enforce the rules.
I give in to the children’s demands or requests.
I assume the children will make correct choices without much parental guidance.
never
3
never
0
never
3
never
0
never
0
rarely
2
rarely
1
rarely
2
rarely
1
rarely
1
sometimes
1
sometimes
2
sometimes
1
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
Total from above=
often
0
often
3
often
0
often
3
often
3
C
I am available to pay attention to the children’s emotions and behavior.
I allow the children time to learn and grow on their own. When the children show good behavior, I will use incentives and/or praise.
I am able to remain calm when disciplining the children. I am aware of and can easily adapt to change.
never
0
never
0
never
0
never
0
never
0
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
often
3
often
3
often
3
often
3
often
3
Total from above=
D
I often find myself too busy with life’s demands
(such as long work hours) to spend much time parenting. Parenting is not my top priority.
I will often leave the children alone, or with another adult. I have trouble finding the time to give the children much attention or feedback.
When I do have time to interact with the children, it seems I am often just disciplining them.
never
0
rarely
1
sometimes
2
often
3
never
0
never
0
never
0
never
0
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
often
3
often
3
often
3
often
3
Total from above=
E
To help prevent problems from occurring, I monitor and interact with the children.
I give advice and guidance on every topic or issue.
I hold high expectations for the children.
It is important for me to give a consequence every time misbehavior happens.
I don’t feel it is the time, or that it is necessary to give the children the freedom to make their own decisions. never
0
never
0
never
0
never
0
never
0
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
rarely
1
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
sometimes
2
Total from above=
often
3
often
3
often
3
often
3
often
3
Step 2:
Look at the totals form each table. Write in your totals from each in the chart below.
A
B
C
D
E
your score= your score= your score= your score= your score=
