I lay asleep in my bed and I can feel the cool breeze coming in from the cracked window. I can smell breakfast cooking but I was too comfortable to get out of bed. I was enjoying my time resting in my comfort and then I rolled on my left side and the bed felt wet, my clothes were wet and then I realized my water had broken. I remember feeling overjoyed as I prepped for delivery and I remember feeling no pain at all. I knew this was going to be an easy delivery and things will be great. As I hear my baby cry for the first time my heart was pounding and I couldn’t wait to see him. As the nurse place him in my arms I instantly loved him whole heartedly and I just smiled as I looked into his eyes. I looked around the room and I felt tension like as if something was wrong. What could possibly be wrong he was healthy he was beautiful and I was feeling great. I saw people in the delivery room looking at me weirdly and two nurses having what appeared to be one of those high school gossiping conversations as they gave me looks that can kill. One nurse just looked confused as if she wanted to ask a question but wasn’t sure if she should and then it hit me! Here I was an African American mother with an African American husband giving birth to an infant that appeared to be Hispanic, Caucasian or maybe Chinese? So then it dawned on me the nurses were trying to figure out how we just gave birth to a Caucasian baby? Why does society judge people based on their outward appearance.
My son Kobe who is now 6 years old is actually bi-racial mixed with Salvadorian and African American but you can’t tell this by looking at him. Often people seem confused as they see this Caucasian kid with an African American mother? Am I his nanny? Is he adopted? People often wonder but they never ask. My son has brown hair with red highlights and his skin slightly pale and I must add his distinguishing eyes they have no special color to them but they appear to be low and drowsy as if he was half Chinese. The moment I found out I was pregnant I never knew my child would face so many challenges. Most of all I didn’t think I would face judgment in the hospital setting. I made a choice to deliver my baby at a certain facility because of the experience the doctor had, and because I was comfortable with the surroundings and the people. The nurses were kind they treated me well at previous visits. It seems like the instant I gave birth and they saw my sons appearance they became instantly judgmental.
My son struggles with being accepted by African American kids because of his skin. He has other siblings and other kids often tease him and tell him he doesn’t belong in his family. I always knew as a race of people we can be judgmental, we can be stereotypical and all the above, but I never thought I would have to explain having a bi racial child to anyone. It all goes back to stereotypes and what people think certain kinds of people should look like. As a society when things don’t appear normal to us we have a problem with it. I have often experienced racism being an African American woman but I would have never thought African American people would show racism towards my bi-racial child. Even in the delivery room where I’m supposed to be comfortable and joyful and overwhelmed with emotion but instead I felt guilty shamed confused. We as a society place so much emphasis on a person’s race, culture and appearance but these things do not define who they are. Because my son is biracial does not mean he’s not my child, it does not mean he will grow up confused and it doesn’t define his destiny. I have always been accepting of other people so knowing