Essay on Abstract Reasoning, Chapter 1

The 21st century has eventfully reached its adulthood.

Welcome to my world. The date is Tuesday 25 May, the year 2027.

Precisely two years, two weeks, and two days prior to today – the day I write – occurred my earliest recollections of the epic happening that would strike the mortal minds of earthly humanity with a blow the size of a trillion belt-born asteroids; absorb our thought processes with the force of a few dozen central galactic black holes; and finish them off by burning out the psyches of our previously-ravaged brains with twice the heat punch of Antares, the most prominent star of the Milky Way galaxy.

Well, most of them anyway. I’m what you would call a prime exception. You see, in science, any given idea or theory can often be proven incorrect. If you’ve completed high school, you should know this well by now. And prior to the demise of the year 2026, you could earn as many PhD’s in physics or any other scientological subjects as you like and every last professor and self-proclaimed cosmonaut would preach to you that a scientific law (i.e. the Law of Conservation and Mass) is not to be broken.

Here’s what you don’t know:

They are all wrong.

Ever since I paced the tiled floor of my kitchen as a small child, I have been a skeptic of the theory that strict systematic laws – such as the aforementioned one – are in fact permissive when given the right conditions. Not with the tolerance of your parents the last time they allowed you to party with your friends well past midnight; think of the likelihood of the breaking of a law as the chance of winning the state lottery five hundred thousand days in a row without any rigged numbers. It is highly improbable; but in the wake of an occurrence of a law-breaking event ensues an awakening the size of the Big Bang, one in which there is no practicable inoculation against, in spite of the limitations of this “awakening” (its confinement to one or two universal entities).

At this time, my science lecture shall die a most immediate and merciless death. It is useless to reiterate my ideas once more – and essential for me to relate the story of how the prospect of humanity on our planet has recently been compelled into striking a new dawning for itself on its native planet. Overall, I shall grant humanity nine and nine-tenths points out of a possible ten for its reaction to the impactful malady; the relatively small brains working in most of our heads could never have possibly anticipated the coming of a great and evil power such as the one that arrived on Earth less than five months prior to the day I write. Religious-based world-ending events such as the much over-contemplated “doomsday” prediction of the Mayans in the year 2012 have sprinkled themselves over our food for thought throughout history and before; but the thought of an occurrence the magnitude of what happened in the months of December 2026 through April 2027 was simply unimaginable for a solid ninety-nine hundredths of the populace. As for the remaining hundredth – even the most intuitive and imaginative thinkers in this genre could not foresee a happening of this enormity.

Except for one.

If you guessed anyone aside from me, give yourself a slap for failing to comprehend the ideas expressed in the preceding paragraphs of this introductory asseveration. A sole slap may indeed not be hard enough.

If you correctly presumed that I am the component of humanity with the understanding capacity to predict such an event, you may give yourself a cookie – and, uh, send me one too.

Before you reach for the cookie bag, I’d appreciate it if you’d kindly focus your weary eyes on my brief introduction of myself. By the way, I don’t eat cookies. The thought of eating that popular sugary pastry makes someone such as me feel sick. My brain, however, eats cookies – just not the cookies you’re accustomed to buying and eating. Get the round, doughy image out of your head. It’s time to establish a different kind of

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