Base 1: Unity 1. Is there a clearly stated thesis in the introductory paragraph? Yes, she has a very clear stated thesis that includes three main point.
Her stated thesis: “This caused me to experience choosing best friend, giving own opinion with parents, and believing own decision”
2. Do all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis? Yes, she wrote a lot of details to describe her directions and her experiences. Your comments: I like to read her essay because I have expanded my knowledge of family history stereotype through her essay. I agree with her that most the time stereotype make people treat each other inappropriately and …show more content…
Is there plenty of it? She provided enough evidences to make readers understand the whole situation and learn something from it. Your comments: I like how her personality was expressed throughout her essay. Moreover, she provided from beginning to the end how she very valued her friendship and how she tried her best to keep her friendship.
Base 3: Coherence
1. Is there a clear method of organization? Her method of organization follow time in order. At first she wrote about how she tried to make friend at her new school. Then the relationship between her friend and she went really well until her parents prohibited her friendship. After her best friend returned a lost pocket, her parents trusted her and let their friendship continue.
2. Are transitions used to connect sentences and ideas? Yes, there are transitional words and signal words such as: however, moreover, and in conclusion
Your comments: I like how the story ended in a happy way.
Base 4: Sentence Skills
1. Are there any rough spots where the sentences do not flow smoothly and