Mother always told me… since I was a young girl, one of the only actual conversations I’d ever had with her, most of my time was spent with my nanny (2) Anyway, Mother always said that I must always show my hands. I’ve got to show my hands. In pictures, when people come to see me. ‘If you wear gloves you’ve…’ no no, you have, not you’ve, you’ve is for commoners, which I’m… I am not. Ahem. I showed my hands on my wedding day. Because
I’ve not got any secrets. I always tell the truth. So when I got painted by the Fria Pandolf, I had to tell Mother. Tell her everything. Even what he said to me, okay? Are you listening? He said, and I know this by heart, he said "Paint must never hope to reproduce the faint half flush that dies along her throat." That's... No sorry, that is supposed to mean that I am pretty. He seems to think so. Calls me pretty all the... He calls me pretty all the time, even when he's in a bad mood. And he's always... He is always in a bad mood. All the time. I remember when we went on on the eve of my name day. I don't know why they call them name, should be called birthdays. Or just days (2) so anyway, he took me out to the erm, markets. First time I'd been out of the gardens since we got married. He never lets me out. I was always so happy to see all of em... Them, all of them. Sorry Mum. Mother. They offered me things, like apples and stuff... I mean apples and other wonderful relics of which I will...
Gosh, did I use that properly? Hope I did. He was so thoughtful, saying I looked nice when I smiled, but he said on his old man voice "You don't have to smile at anyone and everyone."
Mother always told me I should smile because it made people smile so I smiled to him... Like this. (3) Smile's nice, isn't it? I like my dimples. But he didn't like it, he went on and on about his eight, no nine hundred year old name. (.) I get it! Your family is nine hundred years old! I told him how annoying it was when we went to slumber and he shouted me, like shouted, as in, shout shout. Like a tiger, a big, scary tiger. Then he ignored me. Didn't say a word for the whole day. Even at breakfast. He ate his liver and fromage and pretended I was invisible, looked straight through me. I called for him again and again and again and again until I decided and said "Well damn you then." I didn’t actually say it to his face though, I’m not… I am not than stupid. I didn’t used to think I was stupid at all (.) But, now I look back, charming him wasn’t the greatest idea I’d had in a long, long… Long time. but he deserved it. He deserved it, at least I didn't have to hear is nagging all day, all night (1) ugh, all the time. So yes, Mr Duke of Ferrara, damn you. Had another argument with him. Wasn't even my fault. I wasn't snooping like he said I was. I was just looking
