Extraordinary Relationships: Chapter Analysis

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Chapters 15 and 16 in Extraordinary Relationships gave a good introduction into new concepts relating to Human Interactions and Relationships. These new concepts gave a better understanding of ideal relationship and what they entail and how to gain a higher degree of differentiation of self. Two concepts that were discussed throughout the chapters were separateness and differentiating a self in ones family of origin. One of the concepts discussed in chapter15 was the concept of separateness. In an ideal relationship there are three characteristics that exist in the relationships. These characteristics are separateness, equality, and openness. I was surprised when I read that separateness was one of the characteristics in an ideal relationship. I always believed that separateness in a relationship was …show more content…
Gilberts (1992) states that “Partners in an ideal relationship lose no self into the relationship because their self boundaries are intact and their inner guidance systems are well developed…They function as autonomous, individual selves in or out of the relationship” (pg. 100). She goes on to explain that neither partners relay on the other for support. This happens when both of the partners have high levels of differentiation. It is because of those high levels that it is possible for the partners to retain a separateness not seen in other relationships (Giberts, 1992, pg. 100). Gilberts (1992) goes on to argue that “If two individuals are emotionally separate, any anxiety one may experience does not escalate into painful interchanges nor settle into emotional patterns” (pg. 101). The characteristic of separateness is key to an ideal relationship and is a vital contribution to the pleasure and excitement of new

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