When I was with you, the thought of being alone never crossed my mind; its unsettling, agonizing, and the bleak nature was unknown to me. Yet, as time went on, I found peace in it. Reflecting on this years later, I've come to understand the significance of self-sourced joy and the necessity of being complete in oneself to rediscover connection in relationships. When our friendship began to unravel, I was in denial, clinging to your explanations of busyness and self-focus, even as I started to feel like an unwelcome visitor. I excused your behavior and still kept my phone within reach, hoping for a call. Despite my efforts, I sensed the inevitable shift and tried to dismiss it, but an overwhelming feeling of …show more content…
Some might say it's the same pain as losing a romantic partner. But I don't agree with that. Lovers come and go but friends are supposed to stick by your side forever and then some. It is a certain type of deep-rooted love that isn't supposed to fade away like wilting flowers. It never occurs to you that the one person you thought you could always count on, the one who knew all your deepest darkest secrets and fears, the one you made dreams and plans with, could vanish without saying goodbye. You wonder what you meant to them all along and whether you were merely convenient for them or just happened to be at the right place at the right time, and when they depart, you feel sick and foolishly cheated, and feel as though you were the problem. It's never truly certain, though. Looking at photos of the two of us, I feel like I'm drowning in an ocean of grief, being suffocated by the waves, and finally sinking to the ocean floor. The feeling that I will never be happy again. Memories of the things that we used to do together, flow through my mind. Car rides with the music blasting and the windows down, laughing about the dumbest things, that night when we told each other our dreams and fears and became closer than ever, you coming over to my house and ransacking my fridge just to eat off my plate