He says he doesn't believe in it, but deep down he wants to believe there’s heaven because then he can see Allie again, the person he misses most in life. Later in the book, Holden doesn't go into the Museum of Natural History because he doesn't want to tarnish his old memories of the museum with his depressed mind. Holden walks through the park thinking about all the good memories he has of the museum until he stops at the Museum of Natural History. “All of a sudden” he didn’t want to go inside, “not for a million bucks” because he felt like he wouldn’t enjoy it. Holden doesn’t want to go inside the museum because he doesn't want to ruin his old innocent memories with his depressed teen mind. Holden's depression is getting worse because he keeps seeing things that remind him of his family and dead sibling, which makes him miss them even
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