This essay had detailed and well-supported analysis with several examples of how Ryan establishes her authority as a credible speaker and how she persuades the audience that English requirement for higher education shouldn’t exist. She inputs phrases and words from the speech, and inputs them well between sentences, thus giving more details about the analysis. The introduction paragraph needs more transitions between sentences so that all those sentences builds up to the thesis. Moreover, the thesis should more clearly state why, what, and how Ryan persuades the audience to believe that English is should not be required for college acceptances. There are many strategies listed, but they need more connections among them so that the essay can clearly show how Ryan’s strategies altogether work to convince the audience. Also, the conclusion needs more transitional words/sentences so that it can clearly support why “future depends on leaders, and the world’s language are in their hands.”
Hali Cen
Overall, this essay had really clear, thorough explanation of what, how, and why Ryan persuades the audience. The thesis statement was very strong and clear about who the target audiences were, and what kind of strategies Ryan uses to persuade the audience better. The paragraphs had nice transitions between, so that the reader can understand why and how one kind of strategy work to persuade the audience. Additionally, the analysis part was very detailed and well supported by many examples from the speech; the explanations were easy to follow, and had lots of analysis part. But, there should be more connections among instructive strategy, alarming realities,
