Thank you so much for your insightful and kind comments! (I actually printed your email and taped it into my journal; I appreciate the comments quite a lot).
Writing is indeed a remedy for me, and I find it comforting to surround myself with brilliant authors and poets who have felt anguish and transformed it into something beautiful and communicable (Charles Bukowski, Plath, Hemmingway, Fitzgerald, Woolf, ect). Some of these writers have spoken on the importance of painful experiences and they reassure that a person can produce something powerful and moving from great despair. I believe that's very powerful.
An interesting point in Ishmael's character I also enjoyed examining is when he alluded that going out