What I liked most about this script was the parallels the writer creates between the real world and Meccopolis and the strength Lori seems to draw from Dana although their battles and internal struggles are not related to the other.
Even though Kevin and Tankman represent the leading protagonist, having Lori and Dana be the anchors between the two worlds really helped to propel the narrative forward. I also found that out of all the characters in the script, Dana was my favorite one because she was the most fleshed out. Dana is honest, a straightforward thinker and proactive. Likewise, I enjoyed that with almost all of the scenes she is in, her character practically commands the narrative to advance.…show more content… One of the things I think still needs work is the distinction between Meccopolis and the real world of the script. As it is now, the description between the two worlds do not have any distinctive differences. Meaning is Meccopolis all caricature and animated, or is it meant to be a live-action depiction of the stories from the comic?
Also, I think the writer should take a look that the dialogue exchanges between the characters and their counterparts in Meccopolis. Crossing back and forth between the two universes, there needs to be a distinction in the slang, dialect and word choice for Kevin and Lori verse Dana and Tankman.
As it is now, all of the characters seem to speak at the same formal and monotone level. Incorporating unique character markers could help the rise in tension in key scenes. For example, on page 75 when Lori goes to confront Tyler, this is a pivotal moment for Lori finally facing her abuser.
The scene acts as a final power struggle moment and although Lori’s character is supposed to leave with all the power, the way she speaks to Tyler does not emulate that power. In addition, I would recommend the writer take another look at the second act because it lacks rising action for the main
