Moral False Replacement Report

Words: 708
Pages: 3

Thwap! I pulled my sterile gloves back and they snapped forward. I took small steps as I shuffled forward toward the icy, metallic table. I thought about the struggles I had triumphed over that lead to me to this moment. I faced my partner and firmly demanded “10 blade”. He placed the tool in my palms as I gripped the blade and made the incision on the heart laid out for me as I began my first mitral valve replacement.
Seven months earlier I had been applying to various Stanford internships in pursuance of an educational experience in the field of medicine. I spent several sleepless weeks trying to bring each of my applications to perfection. As I tackled the mountain of questions ahead of me, I was left physically and emotionally drained.
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However, the staff had unintentionally set up quite possibly the most challenging task I had ever faced. They had set up a knot tying station with suture rope and a hook. Now one might think that for an Eagle Scout knot tying would be second nature. Anyone who says that clearly hasn’t met me. I watched the staff demonstrate how to tie a surgical knot. I remained transfixed on their movements, utterly bewildered by the fluidity of their fingers. I chanted the steps in my head, repeating my mantra “make an OK sign…grab the rope… pull your fingers inwards… middle finger under than over… let go of the rope... grab it again… push down with your index finger”. Fifteen minutes went by and I was lost by the third step. I tried to cross my middle finger over and under but I kept dropping the rope. I stood there for what felt like hours; everyone else had it down in five minutes and the staff was starting to get …show more content…
It was a familiar voice I recognized as doubt; I could feel his speech getting louder and starting to take over. But looking around the room I realized that, like these other interns, I had worked hard to be here and that working in that same room meant I was just as capable if not more so than the rest of them. I thought about the fascinating surgeries that lay ahead and considered the staff’s warning that unless we learned how to knot tie we wouldn’t have the skills necessary to perform them. I refused to let that opportunity go past me so I pushed forward and kept trying. And just like that, doubt was silenced. After enough repetition, I was finally able to get the knot down. I felt like I had slain a hundred dragons and had seized the crown of a kingdom. Once I had tamed the knot I manipulated it to ligate vessels, close aortic valves, and put a heart on cardiopulmonary