Essay Sadness and Slight Whisper

If I had words to say, i'd open my mouth but those won't do, nothing i say will do words justice have lost their meaning from me to you, move in a way I can no longer follow. I've lost you, lost my way falling, I just can't stop breaking down, i'm drifting, but not to sleep. Trying to predict weather i’m going to cry.
My brother looks at me with nervousness yet excitement. Then we hear, “ All passengers boarding flight 186 group 3 may start boarding”. Carter looks at me and says in a slight whisper with confidence “Well thats me.” I give my brother one last hug, my head is against his chest and I hear his heart rapidly beating. I know he’s a little nervous, yet he acts so confident. As he is making his way to the front of the line he turns back at me and mouths “Don’t worry.” I stand there like a deer in headlights. Not moving, not blinking, no emotion in my face. The next thing I know, I can’t see him.
My brother is in the Military, and on August 27th he got deployed to Ft. Benning, Georgia. He is there for training purposes. I won’t see him for five months. Georgia. Known for hot weather all year around. Sounds like a Minnesotans boys dream. Running and working out when it’s 90 degrees. Sounds like paradise. Most families send their kid off to college, well not my family. Instead of tears of joy it was tears of sadness. I’m afraid when he comes home he will be changed. I’m not sure if it will be a good change or bad change.
“Mikaila are you sure you want to do this?” My brother asked with sacredness in his voice “YES, dude i'll be fine. Don’t worry.” I replied with annoyance. “Ok, well call me when you arrive.” “Alright. Bye.” I give him one last hug and I’m off to the airport. I was leaving for Mexico for two weeks. Now, Mexico seems nice and all, but when you are heading to TIjuana Mexico (also known for being known for its extreme poverty and drugs) might not seem so nice. To most people they would be scared, but to me i thought it was was amazing. The smell of dirt, heat and garbage, smells like paradise. Taking showers from a milk jug filled with freezing cold water, sleeping in tent or even better the smell of 20 out houses. This made clear why my brother was so concerned.
That first day my brother left. The day silence. All day I was wondering what my brother was doing. Was he getting yelled at by a drill sergeant? Was he the weird kid? Did he bring 2 pairs of boxers? These questions were burning in my mind. At dinner, no one said a word. After dinner, no one said a word. “I'm guessing this is what its gonna be like for the next five month. Better get used to this awkward silence,” This all I keep saying in the back of my mind.
The week kept on moving, but I just sat there. No calls, no emails and not a text message. When my other brothers went to college I was sad but I was happy at the same time. When Carter left I couldn’t see the happiness. I couldn’t see the light out of the tunnel. I just was numb. I was sad, lonely, emotional. Call it what you want but I was depressed.
That first step out of the van and all you smell is dirt and heat, life couldn’t get any better. I was happy, I

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