She is expressing unfiltered thoughts in order to understand the wide range of emotions she is experiencing, none of which would please her husband. Her husband, who is also her physician, accosts her whenever he discovers her writing, especially about her condition, because “[he] says the very worst thing [she] can do is to think about [her] condition.” (Stetson 648) Whenever her husband John is near, she has to conceal her writing because “he hates to have [her] write a word” (Stetson 649). She continues to write “in spite of [him],” (Stetson 648) despite the fact that “it does exhaust [her] a good deal” (Stetson 648). Her voice in her writing is hidden and not confident due to the fact that the writing itself must stay