HOLLWOOD DREAMS is a proposed TV sitcom. The idea of a young, hopeful producer moving to Hollywood to pursue his dream has merit. One can envision a long-term series focusing on the highs and lows of a budding Hollywood Producer and the obstacles and antics that the central character has to overcome. With stronger characters and funnier comedy, one can imagine the concept as a long term series.
The concept for the series is well defined. There are solid themes about never giving up on one's dream and believing in one's self.
While there are strengths to the storytelling, overall the pilot would benefit from more development. As mentioned, the main concerns are the characters, the level of comedy, and insufficent comedic tension.
The opening sets the tone and establishes the ordinary world for both Josh and Tony. It's clearly established that Josh has a…show more content… Either way, Josh has to undo his mistake. This spirals the situation out of control. The stakes are getting the job.
There are other jokes that don't feel funny like the Bill Crosby joke. Also, remember some audience may not know who he is. He may be relevant today, but not years from now. The same with the Andy Cohen joke. The Batman/Robin joke also isn't naturally funny.
The best comedy is derived from exaggerating the flaws and weaknesses of a character, but forced jokes don't always work. As mentioned, the ending with the parents showing up is funny, but it doesn't require a lot of dialogue. Just have Josh open the door and his parents are there, “Surprise!”
While the dialogue reflects the characters' personalities, sometimes the dialogue also tends to sound on the nose. “I have to perform a series of tasks for him...”
The pilot is divided into several acts, but remember each act needs to end on higher comedic tension to entice the audience to continue watching (if there's a commercial
