There was one way out, and I had to take it, didn't I? It looked like safety and the best possible road. But, if there aren't any alternatives, it's a trap, pure and simple, even if you can't see the end. That's how it felt, as I lay there, my seat reclined back as far as it would go, as snow slowly drifted and circled around the center of my aunt's windshield.
Things looked rosy for a while, particularly through a pain-killer haze. I …show more content…
It felt loose in its socket, and it sometimes turned or folded in unnatural, twists and twinges. At night, I would find myself stretching it out as far as it would go and rotating at the hip, the knee, the ankle. I'd do it just at the edge of sleep, so it was impossible to control. It was like my body was searching for a better position or a new equilibrium, but all I got were muscle spasms that woke me screaming.
In dreams, I would suddenly flip backwards and suck in so much air it was hard to let it out again, until I sat up, crumpling forward to push it all out. I was so tight with tension. It seemed like any moment everything I knew or expected might crack apart, and I would be hurt and dazed. I kept thinking about impossible but horrible repercussions for every decision or circumstance, but I worried even more about the things I couldn't even guess at.
I was drowning in pain, worry and fear and Adam seemed like a convenient log to keep me afloat. I wanted a hero or if nothing else, a welcome distraction. He didn't drink too much. He didn't smoke. He was considerate and gentle. That seemed like just what the doctor