Why do women get involved in one destructive relationship after another Some people unwittingly choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behavior never seem to learn from their experience. Instead they go from one bad partner to the next, much to the surprise of those closest to them, who pull their hair out trying to stop them. Why does this happen? Some people believe in this, yet seemingly unlikely scenario, that People who choose such partners must get pleasure from being mistreated. People used to believe that the person choosing these chaotic and destructive relationships had to be doing it out of their own free will, meaning they must like it. There has been no research that proves this, It was never found that woman received any pleasure at all, conscious or unconscious, from the abuse and neglect heaped on them by destructive partners. Rather, these women were simply hurt over and over again. Still, the repetition compulsion was true enough; no sooner women ended with one hurtful person, then they found another wolf in sheep's clothing. There has to be a good reason. Children that were not allowed to voice their opinions and talk about their emotions learned the behavior of no self worth. At the deepest level there are unconscious feelings which can keep you stuck. These feelings can develop early in a woman’s childhood, most of the time without her even knowing, and can really influence the bad decision making. (EWAR, 1991) As the girls grow into teenagers and then women they are in search for a self worth repair. Much of this repair work involves getting people to hear and experience them, for only then do they have value and a sense of importance. However, not just any audience will do. Who typically, is more than willing to play the role than the abuser. “If people understood the dynamic of power and control, they wouldn't ask the question,” Says Jane Randel, head of Liz Claiborne's Love is not Abuse campaign and a longtime leader in the effort to end domestic violence. (Brody, L. 2011) These women go into relationships with the hope or dream of establishing their place with a partner, only to find themselves emotionally battered once again. But why doesn't a person leave when they realize they are in yet another self-destructive relationship? Unfortunately, on occasion things go well with the partner, particularly after a fight. A narcissist is often a expert in yielding just enough "voice" to keep his victim from leaving. They grant a place in their world, if only for a day or two. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. No where to turn to, no where to go. It's extremely sad and unfortunate, that a lot of women do not have a support system at all, or a place to get away. This would be difficult even for the strongest person to endure. (EWAR 1991) Woman stay or go back to these abusers for many reasons, such as: Religious and extended family pressure to keep the family together, loyalty, fear of being alone, on her own, pity that the partner is worse off than she is; she feels sorry for her partner, denial, It’s really not that bad. Other people have it worse. Many battered women are familiar with the abuse cycle and really don’t see anything wrong with the abuse they are suffering (EWAR, 1991). The women have guilt that their problems are her fault, or they stay as a means for survival, or she fears that partner will follow her and kill her if she leaves. When a woman makes a decision to leave an abusive relationship, her chances of being seriously physically
