I didn't know of any support system. Even though I came from a military family. I was taught that we don't talk about our problems we just deal with them and move on. Because if we talked about them we would be cast out as cowards that couldn't make it. So I would keep it locked inside me for many years. I turned to alcohol because that was the only way that I knew how to cope with my depression from war. I went through many relationships because I would isolate myself from the people and things that I used to enjoy. I would find a bottle and crawl into it hoping for closure. But I never got it. When I was drunk sometimes people around me would hear me talking to myself. It felt like my buddies were right next to me. I would see them but know one else did. That statement makes me sound a little on the crazy side. I have even had suicidal thoughts sometimes. Asking myself why am I here when they are not. That would make anyone question the way of well-being. But I started to question myself about god. Does god exist? Or is there a reason why I'm still here and they are not. At times I thought that god would answer me the drunker I got but that didn't happen. All I got from the outcome was a headache and more depression. At times I didn't know how much longer I was going to survive. Yes, I had a job, however, I was working paycheck to paycheck. Not making much because I spend it all on