Article On Family Relationships Essay

Why can’t we just get along?

My mother and I never agreed. Never. She used to yell at me for being very immature and as a result I never listened to a word she said. She was a perfectionist and wanted me to be perfect. I felt like I was so useless and not good enough, especially since I was the one with the biggest responsibility, the first child, the role model for the younger siblings. All that pent up self-loath made me project one emotion towards my mother. Hate. See, every girl has hated or will hate her mother at some point of her life, and when that happens, it is a constant battle from then on. This particular stage always begins near the teenage years, most commonly from the age of 16-19. The fights can be about petty things like “Why is your room always unclean?” or “Stop interfering in my life” or major topics that can wound both of them. There are many different reasons as to why a girl would hate her mother, but the biggest reason would be the fact that we believe that they hate us. Why do teenagers believe that? And do mothers know of this?

It is shockingly weird but teenage girls are just kids after all, they just got out of the child phase and are turning into young adults. Throughout that, whether the girl admits it or not, she needs her mother’s love and support the most, she wants to know that her mother will always be by her side no matter what people say about her. Most mothers don’t realise that, or when they do, they tend to portray their protectiveness and support in a different way. But as mentioned before, teenagers are just kids; they are not mind readers, so they will most likely misinterpret what you said. For example, if mum says “You are acting like a doormat”. Daughter hears that as being horribly critical (the daughter sees her mother's scrutiny as confirming her own fears-that she is flawed), while what mum is actually trying to say is “I feel so protective of you because you’re not protecting yourself; you are letting all these people step on you.” Although we are repeatedly told that our Mothers always want what is best for us, we just nod and do not fully grasp the idea that they really do. Mothers won’t lose anything if they just kept to themselves and left you to solve your problems, but it is their soft hearts and their love towards their children that pushes them to such. They want to do all they can for you. But girls are vulnerable, if they hear comments concerning either their character or appearance, from their own mother, it is no surprise why they end up fighting and attacking the mother with harsh words, that’s how they defend themselves which is completely wrong but that is how they are. Islam teaches us that Heaven lies beneath the feet of your mothers. How can we aspire to enter Heaven if we are constantly disrespecting her, our doorway to paradise? This issue can be solved , may sound easy but it’s tougher than it seems. Mothers and daughters, become active listeners. Listen to the feelings underlying the message. And always repair the damage quickly; ego won’t benefit you in any way.

Another reason would be, teenagers always feel like their mothers are hovering above them, preventing them from many activities that are considered ‘normal’ and ‘fun’ in today’s society. That can be very irritating for the daughter considering the fact that she is striving to become an independent woman. Depriving her (the daughter) from all this can also make her feel like you are suffocating her, giving her no space to breath, and mostly taking away her freedom. But from a mother’s perspective, she does not want you to get hurt. Think of your mom as a woman

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