I became a workaholic that was so obsessed with success that it consumed me internally anytime I failed. I would feel sick to the stomach every time I was reminded that I’m not as great of a person as I wanted to be. What went through my mind was that if I’m not the best version of myself, then I’m not myself. Then the true pain came when I began to hurt myself externally, instead of internally, every time I wasn’t thriving with my school work. I had never gotten a grade lower than eighty-five percent, and when I received my first C grade, it completely shattered me. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but during that time, my grades meant the world to me. Looking back on it I can see how I overreacted, but to me it was as if I poured my heart and soul out just to be told I wasn’t good enough, no matter how hard I tried. I started thinking if I get a C, then It’ll appear horrible on my transcript, and if it appears horrible on my transcript, then no college will want me, and so on. In the end, what did it matter if I tried my hardest? I wasn’t going to succeed. …show more content…
That dramatic change only worsened my condition because it got to the point where I thought life wasn’t worth living if I’m just going to die. I had an existential crisis and made a plan to overdose on the pills in the medicine cabinet at home. My parents found out about this plan and took me to a behavioral hospital where I was an inpatient for a week. During that time, I learned about my other options college wise and how to deal with all the stress and anxiety I had built up. I missed a week of school and that was extremely challenging because I was taking three AP classes and all honors, so I had an immense workload to catch up