What Does Perfectionism Mean To Me Essay

Words: 844
Pages: 4

I can’t remember a time when I was truly ashamed of a part of me. I can’t remember trying to change myself and I can’t remember hiding something about myself. The feeling of being ashamed hasn’t been powerful enough to lodge itself in my memory. However, I can tell you about how I discovered one part of my personality through frustration and thinking that I hated something I loved. My perfectionism is this part of me that both drives me forward and hinders me. Throughout my life, it has lead to the development of other fears that I have and is the cause of my accomplishments. When I was really young, I loved to draw. I would draw for as long as I had paper and crayons. Then I started to think that my drawings weren’t good enough. I don’t remember how or why my young self came to this conclusion; all I remember is hating my drawings. I don’t know whether it was because I thought that the crayons were the wrong colors or because I couldn’t make my drawings look the way I wanted them to. I hated it and it frustrated me. I refused to draw for years afterward. The only …show more content…
It was like I was stuck in the rut of my current level and I couldn’t get out. I started to become frustrated with my art again and I felt like I was failing in what I was doing. I started being more selective about who I showed my art to. I kept my creative writing secret so that no one would push me to show them my poor, amateur writing. To this day, I am still highly selective of who I show my arts to. I didn’t feel like I was good enough anymore because it didn’t fit my idea of what I thought it needed to look like. I was failing and I hated it with every inch of my being. I spent longer on every assignment because I wanted it to be perfect. I needed it to be perfect. I feared failure and I overstressed myself by doing all I could to try and avoid it. It was then that I began to notice my