Toxic Love Research Paper

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“Toxic Love”
Pandora
He was in pajamas when he answered the doorbell. I stepped into his apartment smelling of smoke, liquor and the night that was. In my drunken haze- geez, I drink so much that it doesn’t fade my memory any longer- In my drunken haze, I remember vividly, I slurred, “Everybody wants to sleep with me. But I only want to sleep with you. Only you. Forever.” I couldn’t look away from the oceans that were his eyes; my retinas were open holes that led to the yawning abyss beneath my skin. My eyes must have been the saddest of eyes. I slept on the couch.
The next day, I woke up early, picked up my jacket and left immediately. I didn’t want him to see me anymore like this, this mess I was. When I got home, I felt a note in the jacket …show more content…
My gal, Pandora, will never admit she is an alcoholic; being the stubborn person she is. She will probably tell you that she just loves to drink or “has it under control”. She doesn’t. Whenever we would fight, she drinks, which is a lot. Whenever she thinks about her grandfather, she drinks. I admit, I can get so angry, that I start just yelling regrettable shit, she starts yelling too. That’s another drink. I’ve tried to offer rehab, but she refuses and we fight some more which leads to more drinking. An endless cycle. I’m not going to lie, I am a bit of a hypocrite because I smoke about every weekend staying “high” is my way to forget this damn breakup. But Pandora drinks every day, and it’s scary. How can you be drunk at 9 am in the morning? I know she is drinking a lot after the breakup, in fact, she came by the other day, drunk of course. But what she said will always stick with me. “Everybody wants to sleep with me. But I only want to sleep with you. Only you. Forever.” Her eyes were the saddest of eyes. I wanted to have my way with her, but she was drunk, and I would never take advantage of her. I love her so much. I crave her, for goodness sake. But for now, the best thing I can do is let her figure it …show more content…
There were happier times. I never was a big drinker like I am now, I don’t really know how I started drinking, I just know I couldn’t stop. Alcohol numbs me, just for a little bit, and that little bit can feel so good until you should deal with the problem again. Zale smokes weed, but only on the weekends, I hate the smell, but I mostly hate how he gets when he’s in his “high”. He becomes very silent, not speaking. It’s scary, but like how I drink to deal with shit, Zale gets high. But we were never like this. I don’t really remember how it all happened. Maybe it’s just us together. Maybe we are too toxic. Maybe we need this time, time apart to think things through.
Zale
Hey,
You mean a lot to me and I wanted to be a small part of the universe that was good to you. I am sorry it must be this way, but we might just seriously hurt one another. I am sad because it would have been such fun to do more things together.
I regret none of the words and the things I have given and done for you, they are yours. I will think of you constantly and occasionally, but never not at all.
I can never hate you, my love, but we both have been hurting so much, and we can’t keep getting built up over each other just to fall apart. So, we must take care of ourselves now, okay. I know you checked yourself into rehab so that’s a start? Right? Maybe after a while the universe can bring us together again, if it’s really meant to be. Make sure you take care of yourself.
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