Pathos Vs Logos

Words: 446
Pages: 2

Hi Emily! I think you chose an excellent topic. I can tell you feel strongly about this topic and I enjoyed reading your argument.
Your essay focused on your argument consistently without providing any unnecessary information. One thing I would suggest is direct quotes or references from both the opposing argument and and those who agree with your stance on this issue. Including stories about families and children who are experiencing issues with inclusive education with help with your pathetic appeal (pathos); and including direct quotes and in-text citations for your statistics will help with your ethical (ethos) and logical (logos) appeals. It will help with your credibility for readers to see direct quotes and references from outside professionals.
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Your introduction introduces the issue you will be discussing, reveals your argument, and has a three point thesis as the last sentence. I saw your three points but you had an extra bit at the beginning of your thesis about inclusive education standing up for those who don’t have a voice. This is a strong statement, and would do better as it’s own sentence elsewhere in your essay, like the conclusion. Doing this will make your thesis more precise. Secondly, each of your body paragraphs focused on one of the main ideas of your thesis. However, your body paragraphs would be more clear if you had topic sentences that introduced what you will be discussing. Your fifth body paragraph has a good example of a topic sentence. My topic sentences usually include the point in my thesis I will be discussing in that paragraph. This article might help you with topic sentences: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/29/. I also would suggest either combining your second and third body paragraphs or creating a topic sentence that better transitions these two paragraphs. Finally, your conclusion should restate your thesis as the first